


Leaving

by Khylara



Category: Public Enemies (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1814974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khylara/pseuds/Khylara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had to leave, even though he didn't want to</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving

 

I had to leave you.

 

 I didn’t want to. The moment I saw you lying there, blood pooling under you and streaking your face, struggling to breathe, I wanted to stay with you. Take you into my arms, give you some kind of comfort as you left this world for whatever lay beyond. At the very least, with all you meant to me, you deserved that much.

 

 Especially since it was my fault in the end.

 

If I hadn’t told you to take the road…if I had kept you with me…you might be safe right now. Safe…and alive…

 

In my arms…

 

But I didn’t. And I know why. Visions of glory, of being the agent who took down the infamous John Dillinger. My name in the papers. A handshake from J. Edgar in front of news cameras and reporters. I didn’t want to share that with anyone, not even you.

 

It all seems so petty now, when I have your blood on my hands.

 

In all my life, I had never felt so helpless as when I came running up to you after hearing gunshots, my worst fear realized. All I could do was lay my hand on your forehead and ask who had done this, the vice gripping around my heart when you gasped out Nelson’s name with your last breath. I saw the light fade from your dark eyes, felt your skin grow cool even as I bent over you, trying to find the words that would make you want to stay.

 

Don’t leave me like this, I wanted to plea. You need to hold on, to fight, to live. There’s still so much that has to be done…how can I do it without you? 

 

But you left me too soon to say anything, even something as simple, as final, as good-bye. 

 

Carter…I don’t want to leave you like this. You deserve so much better than a hard death on a forest floor in the dead of the night. But I have a job to do…a duty to perform…

 

Would you have done the same, if it were me lying there instead of you? Would you have gone right back to the fight, swallowing down pain and grief? Or would you have taken a moment to mourn a colleague? A friend?

 

The one person in my life who gave me any kind of hope and joy?

 

I promise to avenge you, Carter. That’s the only thing I can do for you now. Maybe if I do, this bloodbath will have some kind of purpose, some kind of meaning. And maybe…maybe you’ll be at peace.

 

As for me…I don’t think I’ll ever know what peace is again. Because the man I knew as my peace, my soul, my reason for living this life has left me. Special Agent Carter Baum is gone, lying dead in the forest that surrounds Little Bohemia Lodge.

 

And he took my heart with him. 


End file.
